When It Rains It Fucking Pours

Or in my case, I am in a constant shit storm that shows no sign of letting up.

If Tyler wasn't bad enough for two days, there is a really good chance that I am not going to college next semester. Even just typing that sentence is giving me heart palpitations. 

So I called Framingham yesterday to find out when I should hear back from them. The woman looked up my application...only she couldn't. They have no record of me ever applying. I spoke with a woman in December about rolling my acceptance to the fall and she assured me that she would take care of it. I sent her a pleasant email with my concerns and I hope to god she can sort this out. Bur what if she can't? What if she made a mistake that she can't fix? What am I going to do? Take a semester off? I can't do that. It isn't a part of the plan. They said they would call me back once they figured out whats going on. That was two days ago. I know they have other things to do and now it is the weekend, but I don' think they realize that they the wreck they have left me. 

I really don't know what I am going to do guys. 

This Is Why I Should Never Ever Go To The Library. Ever.

   So it is about 3 am and I am pulling an all-nighter because that is just what stupid college kids do. Luckily the library is open 24 hours during the week so I decided to run there to steal some coffee and paper clips (Don't ask.). But I got so much more. As I was leaving I say Bethesda sitting at a table studying with a girl. Every movie made from 1984 on will tell you what happens next. I went up and said hi. He tried to remain calm but there was definitely a flash of discomfort in his eyes. He introduced me to his girlfriend. Because I am a masochist I casually asked her how long they had been going out. Since a little bit before spring break. I asked him if he minded walk me back to the dorm because it was so late. He, probably sensing the tension, obliged.I wasn't going to ring him out in front of his girlfriend, nobody comes out a winner in that situation.

   As soon as we were away from the windows of the library, I turned to him and said,

              "Ok, so we're done....thanks."

              "Wait, why? I thought the point was that there are no feelings so it the relationship thing doesn't matter."

               "A relationship between me and you doesn't matter. But now you have involved feelings. Hers. I'm not going to be that person. I refuse to be the other girl. She deserves better than that. So let's just call it quits."

And that was that. I'm not going to cry over it. It was bound to happen eventually. I guess the thing about guys like Zac and Luca is that you expect this kind of stuff. Maybe it is just guys in general.

         

I'm Walking on Sunshine!!! (May or may not be true)

    It is friggin hot here. It is March 25 and I am sitting here in shorts dying of heat because apparently $53,000 is not enough to turn the heat on before April 30th. Oh well. This weekend was supposed to be our Kony 2012 rally. The university suggested that we dissolve the organization, pending the mental stability of Jason. Tyler and I were going to resign anyway so at least they did that for us. Kendall is livid but there really is nothing we can do at this point. Most of the vendors have pulled out anyway and when the dean say no...the dean says no.
   Um....let's see....what else is new with me? Ok, I have a confession to make. Or I guess two. I said I would never mention Andrew on my blog again. I lied, obviously. I am only bringing it up because...well I honestly don't know. It is just on my mind. We were supposed to hang out the first day I came home for spring break. I said to myself that this was his last chance. If he blew me off this time I had to walk away. Needless to say he didn't show. Or make any other plans. Instead he just justified it to Brittany, who would frankly kiss his ass no matter what he said. I sent him a text saying I couldn't do this anymore and he never answered. So that should have been that, right? I couldn't help myself, I wished him happy birthday. My roommate told me it was a good idea. That should have been the first red flag. He thanked me. Sure he could respond to that text. I would bet both my kidneys that I do not hear from him on my birthday. So why can't I just let him go? I know I have an addictive personality but can that also apply to people? I have always stayed with people that treat me like shit. First Zac and now the guy I am seeing now isn't a great guy and it could threaten whatever is going on with Tyler and me, but I still go with them all the same. I've done substance rehab, now I need asshole rehab. The hard part with Andrew is that unlike Zac and Luca, I honestly believe that there is a good person in Andrew. And when things were good, I saw that person, or maybe it was all just a lie and I am the idiot that falls for it every time. Because lets face it, when I needed him, he wasn't there. I am holding on to our friendship for dear life and he leaves me hanging. I don't know how to be something he cares about and I shouldn't have to figure out. It's that simple. I just need to detox.
   Having Luca here is bittersweet. He reminds me a lot of Zac, which is a whole subject that still hurts, but Luca is helping. We are enjoying an old pastime. I forgot how much I loved the high. First the tightness of the belt, the sharp sting, and then finally blissful release.

Welcome to the Home Stretch!

   I am so excited that there are only six and a half more weeks until summer!!!! I think I am so happy about this that I am numb to all of the work that I have to crank out between now and then. Thinking about it actually makes me queasy.

• Italian- I honestly have no idea what is going on in this class anymore and I don't think the professoressa does either. She is so scatterbrained that I don't think I could understand her in English, let alone Italian.
• Sociology- With this class I have to laugh to keep from crying. She expects us to read a book a week (at least) and it is the most dry lifeless stuff ever! The good news is that you can bullshit pretty easily. I spent a half hour on my "letter to a Rep" and got an A-. I'll take it.
• Shakespeare- This is by far my most frustrating class. This is what I am supposed to be good at and I can't seem to get a handle on it. I can't even blame it on the fact that it is Shakespeare because I had the same problem last semester. My professor is amazing and she seems like she can really help me. I just hate that this is going over my head and to be frank it is embarrassing as a Lit major.
• Psychology- Just this week we got a "No Computer Rule." I. Am. Going. To. Die. Not because I need a distraction, but I honestly can't write out all of her notes fast enough. And certainly not while dissecting her Puerto Rican accent.
• College Writing- This class is pretty easy. It is all about humor and satire and stand up. She is a tough grader but the work itself isn't tough.

So yeah. That is my life for the next six weeks. But on the bright side my good friend Luca is coming for an extended visit in a few days. That will be fun, he and I can catch up. I suppose I shnahould go actually do some of this work........nah

"I thought I was supposed to go into shock. I'm not in shock. It fucking hurts".

 The quote above pretty much sums up my weekend thus far. The quote itself is from The Departed...

                                                               Enough said

                                                  I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

    Anyway, I watched it because it is the subject of my psychology paper. I have to examine the problem of identity blah blah blah. I also welcome an excuse to watch this movie, it is my favorite movie of all time. Beyond staring at Leonardo DiCaprio for 2 hours the story itself is intense and complex. I have watched it maybe six times and I still pickup new nuances. It is just incredible and I encourage, nay, demand that everyone see it at least once in his or her otherwise pathetic life.
    Facet 2 as to why this quote works- I got the first treatment of  Tattoo Removal  today. Now, I really don't like to think that I am wuss when it comes to needles, I really don't. However, this was not a needle, it was a fucking laser. And it hurt like hell.
    I went in willing and ready. I wanted this thing off my wrist. The same tattooed receptionist was there and he remembered me. I shamelessly flirted while filling out medical forms. Hot, I know, nothing says "do me" quite like "please list all medications you are currently taking." They laser technician was really nice too. As we were walking to the room he was casually telling me about the procedure and also offhandedly showed me where the restrooms were. At the time I thought he was just being courteous. Then came the laser itself. ZAP. Ouch, okay this is really uncomfortable. ZAP. Oh my god is my skin bubbling? ZAP. Everything went white. Not black, white. Somehow I kept myself  up right and from passing out completely. The whole thing took 30 seconds tops but in that short time I was weak, sweating and shaking. I then, thankful for the previous tour, ran to the bathroom and puked.
    Now, I am all bandaged up and my arm is really sore. You know how you burn your tongue on really ho coffee and you just want it to stop, I honestly believe it would have been less painful to cut off my arm. Oh well. It is done. And by the grace of God, I can't do it again for another 2 months. Oh yes, this has to be done about three more times. Bring on the pain.